Monumental Interruptions
by Rebecca Monet
Summary: *Final chapter posted!* New Year's Eve at Castle's leads Kate to make a resolution but SOMEONE likes to keep interrupting.  Will Rick ever get to hear what she has to say?  Things never go the way Kate plans. Please R/R! :
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hey guys! This is my first Castle fanfic….it will have more chapters along the way and get lighter! Just hang in there and please leave some comments! Thanks!

Chapter 1: Dark Reflections

New Year's Eve in New York City.

Biggest party in the world.

The city practically vibrates with the sincere, if fleeting, hopes and dreams of the millions gathered in Times Square. _This year will be different, better! _

Across town, Richard Castle slips quietly into his dark office, leaving the door slightly ajar as he moves to the middle of the room. He pauses briefly, closing his eyes and taking a deep, calming breath. As his mind slows, the ruggedly handsome writer takes time to glance over the family photos, memorabilia, and toys cluttering the custom shelves while wandering towards the large windows displaying one of his most favorite views of the city. Rick smiles to himself at the mementos of his well-lived life. Lately though, the playboy version of himself seems like a far off memory, not that the change was unwelcome. Laughter floats in on the soft hum of music from the living room as his famous New Year's Eve bash marches on, pulling him back to reality for a moment. Once upon a time, the people in his loft on this night were book agents, A-list celebrities, groupies…any number of individuals who found more worth in Richard Castle the famous author, than Richard Castle the man. While that made for an excellent evening of ego-boosting action, Rick needed something more from life. He still loves the freedom that fame and money gives him to pursue his passion but things change. People grow up, though in his case, not too fast or much. Three years ago, he found that something more in Kate Beckett and his friends at the 12th precinct. Tonight, his loft rings with their joyful partying along with his family: a completely different experience that never leaves him with that sharp empty longing the next morning.

With all that he holds dear ringing in the New Year by his side, why does he seek this moment of solace? Sometimes, even the trouble-loving Richard Castle needs a break from the enthralling world of Katherine Beckett to reflect on where following the macabre has led him. He leans against the window frame and sighs heavily. Too lost in his thoughts, the condensation from his scotch on the rocks drips quietly from his fingers onto the small area of uncovered wood floor beneath the windows. His eyes flash to the screen mounted behind his desk. Though it was turned off, Rick could see the twisted spider web of Beckett's case in his mind, with her face looking back at him from the middle. The details plagued his thoughts daily, and nightly.

"Thank God this year is over." He whispers quietly to himself, though he knows their troubles are far from over. He hears her rare laugh sounds from the other room and smirks. Tonight, happiness graced her features and for most people, it seems entirely genuine; but he can see the guarded nature of her emotions, always balancing on the edge of the rabbit hole. He hurts for her. Kate was like a dim torch flame battling an arctic wind. The light he loves so much flares brightly in moments of clarity and calm winds like tonight, then whip and sputter violently in the frigid current, growing so dim at times he feared she would be lost forever. _She almost was you fool_, he thought bitterly. If he is to be honest with himself, he misses some of the more carefree worries of his younger life, but he didn't have Kate then. He will never go back as long as she lets him be in her orbit, caring for her, protecting her. The dark emotions, so often at the forefront of his mind since nearly losing Kate to a still unknown sniper, overwhelm his senses and crowd out the soft squeak of the office door swinging open.

Rick hadn't felt her eyes on him the last few minutes as she watched him silently through the crack of the door. She walks slowly toward him; the area rug muffles the sound of her heels. He feels a small touch somewhere in the vicinity of his elbow, surprising him mildly. He turns expecting to see the sweet face of his daughter, but falters slightly when he locks eyes with the incredible Kate Beckett, the love of his life.

"Kate! Hi…" His voice echoes the tone, dripping with ever tender, unspoken emotion, from just a few weeks ago when he woke up in a strange place to find her lying next to him. She ducks her eyes quickly then flashes that adorable, suspicious smile, the one she so often wears when Castle is chasing down his latest crazy theory.

"You ok? It's almost midnight…I've been looking for you." She says shyly, looking up at him through long lashes. His heart skips along more quickly at the suggestion. Her relatively recent boldness still catches him off guard.

"I'll be out in a minute. Just hiding from Esposito. He keeps asking to kiss me at midnight." She chuckles lightly at his lame attempt at a joke before fixing him with a knowing glare.

"You know I'm a detective right? I know you well enough Castle to tell when you are lying." Kate grabs the forgotten glass from his hand and takes a swig of his top shelf scotch. Her nose wrinkles.

"Your ice has melted, Castle. You must be really distracted to let that go to waste!" She jabs at him as she sits in her desk chair, kicks off her shoes and swings her feet up on the corner of his desk.

"Oh, funny Detective!" His laugh rumbles deep and he gives her a real smile, while he takes in the lithe form of his favorite detective draped so seductively in front of him. _Does she know how hot she looks right now? _He longs to run his hand along those toned legs before sweeping her up into his embrace, but he controls his desire. He impresses himself with the level of control he has acquired over his baser urges since meeting her. She is worth so much more than a one night stand. He used to be the one making all the suggestive jokes, winding innuendo into practically every conversation. Since their talk on the swings the day she asked him back, Rick has let Kate lead.

"Why are you hiding, Rick? It's New Year's Eve! After the year, we've had I would expect you to be the one celebrating the hardest out there. Oh…you aren't in here peeping on your neighbors getting romantic are you? Because that is just gross….and I would have to arrest you." She quipped smartly. Sighing, he leans on the end of his desk near her feet and stares straight at her.

"If you must know, Kate, I was thinking about you." She ducks her head self-consciously and brings a hand to her face but not before he catches the small smile and deep blush creep onto her cheeks. "About everything we have been through….together." He presses as he searches her face.

"It's in the past right? We survived. We'll get the bad guys in time, like we always do. What more is there to think about?" She states more confidently than she feels, trying to hide the fact that she still has trouble sleeping after the events of the last few months. She rises from behind the desk and walks toward him. "Can we just enjoy the night and start over tomorrow?" He rolls his eyes a little, sensing her bluff. Before he can say anything, her fingers are laced with his and he turns to face her. Kate's eyes flash over his face, taking in every familiar detail. _How many times have we been here? _She thinks. _If you want to change Kate, now is the time!_ She releases his hand, steps back, and looks at her watch. Only two minutes until midnight. So little time, so much to say!

"Are you in a hurry?" Rick worries that they have once again crossed her imaginary line with so little said. He just waits for her to run. She smiles shyly and shakes her head no. He glances at the wall clock and sees just a minute and a half left before the New Year begins. Rick takes a chance and leans toward her, placing a hand on her hip. He senses Kate doing the same and his heart nearly stops. Time creeps almost painfully by, just an inch, a centimeter, a breath apart….

"Hey! You guys joining the party or what? Oh….sorry…" They fly apart and turn to the door, Esposito stands in the doorway, mouth hanging open.

_Shit…._ Kate panics.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thank you so much to my three lovely reviewers! You completely made my day :) The same goes out to all of you who added my story to their favorites or alerts. I forgot how addicting this was! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review and give me your input...maybe things you would like to see happen or any constructive criticism? It is all much appreciated. Enjoy!

-Rebecca

Chapter 2 – Missed Opportunities

Rick sighs heavily and drops his head back. His body language screams his frustration loudly.

"I…we…uh….yeah?" Kate fumbles over her words, frantically searching for an excuse, explanation, new topic….ANYTHING, but her mind is simply blank. _The best I can manage is yeah? Great, that will really throw him off our scent. Geez, Kate. _The detective grumbles under her breath, low enough only Castle can hear. Esposito tries weakly to veil his smug smile as he watches the two, confident he just interrupted something legitimately personal for once.

"Did I interrupt something?"

"Yes!" Castle shouts back in rare anger towards his friend. Kate's jaw drops and she elbows him hard in the chest, quietly hissing,

"Shut up, Castle!", as a deep blush floods her cheeks. Making a move on Castle in his dark office while they are alone is one thing, having other people see is a completely different and well outside her comfort zone. She quickly shuffles around the end of the desk and tries her hardest to avoid Javier Esposito's amused stare as she brushes past him.

"You have THE worst timing of anyone I know." Castle grumbles as he moves towards the door.

"Next time hang a tie on the door if you are busy." Esposito winked and laughed quietly earning a small smile from Castle as he stepped through the door to rejoin the party. Everyone had gathered on and around the couch in front of the living room flatscreen to watch the ball drop. Kate hovered not too far away from him at the edge of the crowd trying to blend in as though she had never disappeared. Rick flagged down one of the servers passing out champagne quickly downing one glass before grabbing two more and moving quietly to stand near Kate. Kate jumps slightly but doesn't turn around as his left arm snakes around her waist and hands her one of the glasses. She takes it gratefully, desperate for something to calm her nerves and slow her galloping heart rate still thudding loudly in her chest from the almost kiss. Much to her surprise, Castle's arm doesn't fall away. His warm hand settles low on her waist, his thumb rubbing across her left hipbone. _So much for getting rid of the butterflies. _She fights the urge to lean into him but she is close enough to smell his cologne and nearly throws all caution to wind. _Calm down Kate. You still haven't told him anything remember?_ The countdown begins.

10….9….8….

His thumb taps her hip with each chorus from the crowd and sends shock waves through her body. Rick glances over as she shivers under his touch. To be honest, he hadn't realized what he had done or was doing and he nearly pulls his hand away. The look on her face however, convinces him otherwise.

7…6…5…

Instead, he moves to stand just behind her and slides his arm a little further around her. Not far enough that he is hugging her, but far enough to brush his fingers across the flat plane of her abdomen. His slight shift caught her breath. No longer able to fight the alcohol and her desire, she leans back against his chest. Kate Beckett prays that her friends and colleagues around are too drunk to notice their little game, but as she scans the room she notices a few pairs of eyes fixed on them: Lanie's, Martha's and the boys'. She catches Alexis's gaze as well but there is a different expression gracing her features. Kate makes a mental note to think about it later. She meant it when she said she wanted to just enjoy the night and worry about things tomorrow. As far as she is concerned, the only people in that room at the moment are her and writer boy. _Just a few seconds to go _she muses nervously. Could they still have their moment?

4…3…2…1…

"Happy New Year!" Everyone shouts as they turn to their partner of the evening to kiss, hug and well wish. Kate's adrenaline spikes as her mind fights with her body over her next step. Castle, sensing her hesitation puts an end to her nervousness. He pulls her tight against him and leans down to whisper in her ear.

"Happy New Year, Kate." Instinctively she relaxes her head to the side and back against his shoulder, opening the soft length of her neck to him if he so wishes. Castle fights his own urges to throw caution to the wind and lightly brushes his lips across the sensitive spot behind her ear. She stifles a quiet moan, hoping the celebratory uproar hides the sound from his ears. Though time appears to slow, the moment passes quickly and Rick and Kate are pulled apart by the ebb and flow of the crowd. The loss of his touch and warmth saddens her slightly but there is a raging fire of hope in her heart tonight. Castle vanishes from her sight as she is passed from friend to friend but suddenly she feels her phone vibrate in her dress pocket. Hoping it's not a call for a body drop she pulls the phone reluctantly from its hiding spot. A grin spread across her face as she read the message from Castle.

"Oh btw Detective, don't think for one minute we are done talking. The night is still young."

_Oh we are definitely not finished, Mr. Castle….._


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - Thank you all soooooo much for sticking with me on this! I look forward all day to coming home and finding reviews, alerts and more story traffic. PLEASE leave me reviews though...I really love getting feedback...good or negative! I really want to hear what you guys are thinking or ideas you might have for where the story should go.

Side note, Chapter 4 will be up very soon. After two days of writer's block, the story is just writing itself tonight. Hope you enjoy the 3rd installment of my little fic :) Mostly just musings...the action comes in the next chapter. Stay tuned!

XOXO

Chapter 3: Apples

12:01pm, January 1st, 2012.

The first minute of the New Year finds Richard Castle as far away from his gorgeous detective as possible in the expansive loft. Not quite what either of them had planned for the evening. Seconds after wishing his love a "Happy New Year", Gina rips him away to talk shop over drinks in the kitchen. He catches Kate staring after him and his heart aches just a little, but their moment is stolen when Lanie pulls her towards the couch. He tries to watch her interaction with the other people who love her nearly as much as he does but the crowd in the kitchen demands his attention and bartending skills. He gladly obliges but not before sending Beckett a quick text. _I am not done with you tonight_, Castle asserts confidently in his mind. Luckily, Rick manages to see her reaction to the little not and he relaxes, sure that whatever she was going to tell him, whatever was about to happen, will have another opportunity tonight if he has any control over it.

The party swings on but starts to thin as the wee hours make their appearance. It's 2 pm and a romantic atmosphere settles thickly over the city. Lanie and Javier are cuddling on the couch, clearly making up and making out. Castle makes a mental note to collect his winnings from Ryan on Tuesday. He totally won the bet. Kate sits curled up in an armchair not too far away, nursing a very large glass of red wine, her shoes forgotten on the floor. She has let her hair down and slowly runs her fingers through the loose waves and she stares unfocused at the blood red liquid gently swirling in the crystal glass, letting the legs run down the sides before swirling again. _ It's time, Kate. He hasn't walked away yet. _ Time and soberness have eaten away at her resolve. She senses Rick's change of location in the room more than sees it and quickly looks up to find him. Alexis has dragged him into a game of pong though she knows the cups will not be filled with beer. She laughs to herself as Castle easily loses the first round to his daughter though Kate suspects the match had been thrown judging by the silly look on Rick's face and his daughter's stern expression. Round One, take two. Most would wonder how millionaire playboy Richard Castle raised such a levelheaded, bright daughter with unfailing morals and flawless determination. A clone of her father, Alexis is not! Kate, however, knows the real Castle, Rick, as she so often calls him now. It's amazing how small changes like using each other's first name on a more daily basis adds up to mean so much. Beckett can't help but stare at the man who stole her heart long ago when she didn't even know she had a heart left. He has bandaged it, care for it and kept it safe for three years, slowly returning life to her and breaking down her walls. Remembering that day is one of the best, worst and hardest things with which she has ever dealt. _But what if he can't forgive me?_ These are the thoughts running through her mind, the internal struggle playing out on her face. She smiles as Alexis crushes her father for real. His place is quickly taken by a young officer from the precinct who is clearly interested in making a connection with the red-haired beauty. Castle takes a seat on the stairs to enjoy the laughter and smiles of his offspring while he still can. A twinge of jealousy flares in Kate's chest when Rick pulls out his cellphone to check a message. _Oh come on, Kate, you don't own him! _Almost immediately her phone buzzes too with a message….jealousy vanishes. It's from Castle.

"MSG Castle: Apples. " She scrunches her face in confusion at the sight of his safe word.

"MSG Kate: Huh?"

"MSG Castle: I can't take it anymore." She shakes her head in annoyance though she secretly loves any attention from him and it shows.

"MSG Kate: What are you talking about, Castle?"

"MSG Castle: You are staring at me so hard I might burst into flames. Penny for your thoughts?" Her face burns with embarrassment. _How does he know? He hasn't looked over once! _This is part of the problem, really. The night may be young but time is not on her side and she is anxious to catch him alone. The longer they run circles around this party tonight, the less confident she is that she could survive telling him what's really on her mind. Just as she goes to respond, the phone is yanked unceremoniously from her hand.

"HEY!" She turns to find Lanie settling back on the couch, with her phone in hand looking at the message.

"Girl, seriously? You are texting each other from across the room? You know this isn't junior high, right? What's with the apples comment?" Kate can do nothing but glare at Lanie as she tosses the phone back to Kate.

"It's his safe word…" She mumbles quietly, praying the lovely doctor can't hear her. The surprised, questioning look on Lanie's face tells her the M.E. did hear and definitely wants to know how Kate has learned that particular information.

"Oh stop, he told me on a case last year. There is nothing going on!"

" Uh-huh, sure…He is right though. You've been staring at him for 20 minutes. Come on, let's go to the ladies' room and have ourselves a little talk. You clearly do have something on your mind." Kate leads them in the direction of the stairs to go to the upstairs bathroom. It didn't hurt that she would have to walk by Castle to get to the destination. Rick watches her approach and scoots over on the step to give her room. Kate smiles at him and wonders if he knows he has a look just for her. Oh, how she has memorized every detail of that look! Equal parts love, joy, lust, and amazement. His face falters slightly when he realizes that Kate didn't come to sit with him. He does, however, take full advantage of the view as Beckett ascends the stairs, her hips swaying with each step.

"Dad!" He startles as a ping pong ball smacks him in the faces.

"What?" Rick shouts back with his best deer-in-the-headlights look. She just mouths 'ew' at him and turns to find a different, less disgusting area of the party to hang out with Paige. Castle just smiles and laughs with a dreamy sparkle in his eyes. _Won't be forgetting that view any time soon either….._


	4. Chapter 4

A/N - I am feeling a little iffy about this chapter so please tell me what you think! Thank you to all of you who have commented on and added this story so far. It means so much and you have all been so sweet! Enjoy my friends :)

Chapter 4 – Friendly Admonition

Kate and Lanie wander into the guest bathroom just off the main hall upstairs. Beckett gazes briefly at the door to Castle's bedroom, letting her mind wander to the dark corners where her fantasies hide. Despite spending so much time at the loft following the explosion at her apartment, she had never seen Castle's inner sanctum, but her subconscious had certainly spent a great deal of time imagining what it looked like under many different circumstances. Kate squeezes her eyes shut and blinks a few times to wake herself up to reality once more before stepping into the bathroom and pushing the door most of the way close.

"Soooooo, you and Esposito have patched things up?" She offers the question up quickly trying to maneuver the conversation into a safe place, far away from her and Rick's special kind of relationship. She fails. Lanie drops her bag on the granite countertop and spins around to face her, arms crossed tightly and a serious expression gracing her features.

"You KNOW we are not up here to discuss my relationship. Now, tell me what is on your mind that has you staring so hard at our Mr. Castle. Could this have something to do with what Javi walked in on earlier?" Her face softens as she sees Kate crumble a little bit.

"I knew he would tell you. Nothing happened…..we were just talking and then…I don't even know. It was just the excitement of New Year's and the alcohol. Didn't mean anything." She rolls her eyes and sits down heavily on the edge of the tub.

"You know the only person you are lying to these days is yourself, right? We all see the way you two have been acting lately. Oh and that look!….the lovesick puppy, moony-eyed smile thing he turns on every time you walk in the door. That man would give you the world if you asked for it." The beautiful doctor laughs and shakes her head as she turns to the mirror and reapplies her lipstick. Guilt contorts Kate's pretty features and suddenly she is fighting back tears. _I don't deserve him. _Beckett looks away to hide the emotion on her face but suddenly snaps her gaze back to Lanie's reflection and speaks forcefully.

"You are wrong. I've been lying to everyone!" She sees the surprise then confusion cloud in Lanie's eyes but the woman waits patiently for her to continue. "I remember that day, Lanie, my shooting. I just pretended I didn't so I wouldn't have to face my feelings." _Or his, Kate. _She reminds herself.

"What does that have to do with writer boy?" Kate raises her eyes to look at Lanie, willing her to understand. She can hardly accept Castle's words, let alone repeat them to someone else but Lanie doesn't give her much of a choice. Sensing there is something more, the M.E. presses further, "Girl, what aren't you telling me?"

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to say anything to ANYONE, k? You remember when Castle tackled me? He told me how he felt about me. I'm talking straight faced, tears in his eyes "I love you Kate". He was begging me to stay with him, telling me not to leave him. But when he came to the hospital that first time, I just didn't know what to say. I didn't know if he really meant what he said and I couldn't deal with it so I told him I didn't remember anything." Comprehension dawns on Lanie's face.

"THAT's why you never called him….or me for that matter." Comprehension gave way to hurt.

"Lanie, I just knew you would ask questions about Castle trying to save me and the shooting and…and…it wasn't personal." Kate appears to collapse in on herself, as if the weight of the world is now too heavy for her to withstand.

"Damn it Kate, wake up! You are so worried about hiding from your own feelings that you forget this isn't just about you! We all lost Montgomery and we were all there watching you die on that grass, in that ambulance! Ignoring Castle for months while he busted his ass searching for that shooter just because he loves you, that was cruel. I don't know what you said to him to get him to come back but I know he is more in love than ever. He trusts you but he isn't stupid. Eventually Castle will figure it out and its going to break his heart." She rushes past Beckett but hesitates at the door, regretting her anger a little. She turns back to her friend, "Kate, I just want to see you happy. Don't make him wait forever." Kate smiles at her.

"I know, Lanie, and I promise I won't." Lanie smiles back and quietly leaves the troubled detective to her thoughts. After a few minutes spent gathering herself together once more, Kate rises and walks into the hallway but she stops short. Her eyes slide to the door of Rick's bedroom. _Just a peek, then I'll go back downstairs and talk to him._ She hears Castle's laugh and checks the stairs. He is no longer occupying the bottom step but she catches glimpses of his back at the pong table. Silently, she follows her feet down the hall and gently pushes open the door. Instantly, Castle surrounds her: his scent, his presence. It's one thing to see the mementos kept in the office where famous Rick lives but the bedroom….that's where the important things are kept, the books one reads most, the favorite pictures, the secret memories that one wants to keep from the public. This is where her Rick lives. Kate just stands there for a minute absorbing his aura that still shines in the room. Slowly, she moves her eyes around the room.

It's a large room but done up in dark blues and muted lighting to create a cozy, seductive air that just screams 'Castle!' and stokes the low down flames of desire in Kate. She can picture living out her all fantasies in here: reading the Sunday morning paper with Castle in his king bed after exploring each other late into the night, laughing as their kids jump up and down, and reading side by side when they are old and gray. A whole life…she has imagined a WHOLE life together with Rick but she couldn't bring herself to admit any feelings for him. She just wants to scream in frustration with herself and flings herself down on the bed. Kate sighs heavily and leans forward onto her knees with her chin in her hand. She looks around once more before a picture on the bedside table catches her eye and her breath in her throat. She picks up the silver frame and softly runs her fingers over the face in the image, HER face. Its from before the shooting, probably from one of the nights at The Old Haunt. The background is dark but that light had caught her eyes just right so they sparkled and she is wearing the smile she saves for him. Kate didn't ever remember having her picture taken. Suddenly, the tears start flowing followed by sobs.

"How…how can he love me?" She half sobs and half screams to herself.

"Because you deserve it, Kate," Rick asserts quietly from the doorway, his shirt in his hand. Shocked, she pops to her feet, the picture falling from her lap onto the floor.

"Rick….wha-what are you doing in here?" She questions shakily. Rick smiles and holds up his shirt.

"Beer pong mishap….and last time I checked, this is my room but I have no problem sharing it." He laughs and winks at her. Suddenly self-conscious, she wipes roughly at her face smearing her mascara across her cheek. He rushes over, anxious to stop her panic.

"Kate, stop…shh, its ok." She starts crying again and he pulls her in. He looks down over her shoulder and sees her picture on the floor. _How ya gonna explain that one, Ricky?_ He rolls his eyes at his stupidity over not hiding the picture in case something like this happened. Her words float through his mind again. _How can he love me?_ His heart stills.

_She remembered._


	5. Chapter 5

A/N - So sad to have finished the final chapter but there will be more stories to follow! Thank you to absolutely everyone who expressed their interest in me and my story in one way or another! You have all been so helpful. Please tell me what you think...I honestly do not know how Castle will take the news. I would love to hear others' opinions :)

Castle waits patiently for her crying to ease before asking her the question burning in his heart. His mind races with the realization. _Will this change everything?_ When he no longer feels her body trembling and tears soaking his undershirt, he braves voicing the question.

"You remember, don't you, Kate?" She nods into his chest and another sob rocks her. Castle gently pushes her back to sit on the bed. He kneels in front of her, raising her face to meet his eyes, and gently brushes the hair away from her face. He takes her hand and asks the painful question to which he suspects he already knows the answer. "How long?" She turns sad eyes upon him and her shoulders droop as she turns her head to the side, taking in the mix of emotions in his eyes.

"Since the shooting..." Kate looks down at her hand in his and brings her other to join them as if she is trying to hold him to her.

"I suspected as much." He hates when she lies to him, and it still hurts to think of what she put him through all those months ago. He rises, pulling his hands from hers and walks aimlessly around the room, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair as he desperately searches for the right emotion, the right response. How do you respond to withheld overt acknowledgment when, in some ways, they both know where their relationship is heading and the final stop is vaguely altar-shaped? Castle battles in his mind over whether to be hurt, mad, relieved. _How can I possibly_ _I feel NOTHING at a time like this?_

"You...you knew? You knew this whole time and didn't say anything?" He shrugs and looks to her face once more. Her heart races as she considers the pain she must be causing him but also the hope that wells up inside her at his patience. She can't think of a single person, other than Richard Castle, she would ever wait this long for and she knows it's because she loves him too. _But a life together isn't just about love._

"What was else should I have done? Push you so you'd run and never look back. I can't lose you Kate, whether you feel the same or not, I am still your partner. I need you in my life and I have to keep you safe." A dark cloud of something Kate doesn't recognize passes over Rick's face. His voice rises as his speech pushes on and he pours out his emotions. Rick certainly feels something now. "This silent agreement we've had...it's been enough, for now Kate, but if you lying to me means that the last few months have been out of guilt, just tell me." She rises to meet him and it's her turn to be the calming influence. She laces her fingers through his to keep him standing in one spot.

"I have so many things that I want to share with you, Rick. I want to be something more than what I am; someone who deserves the people who love me so much. I'm sorry but I'm just not that person yet. I can't give you-" He senses the panic building steam behind those teary eyes once more and makes a decision.

"Kate. Stop." There is a tone to his voice that stops her in her emotional tracks. "I'm not asking you to say anything back to me. You brought this up remember? Granted, I wasn't supposed to hear but the cat's out of the bag now. I love you, plain and simple. I meant it then as much as I do now. You can take all the time you need to understand that. I'm not going to leave unless you ask me to go, ok?" Rick gently squeezes her hand and brushes a single tear off her cheek, smiling when she leans her face against the soft pressure of his hand. He pulls her into a strong hug, wishing he could hold her forever. Far too soon for either one, he pulls back and moves towards his closet. Kate wonders if their moment is over and if she should make her escape while he changes. Fortunately, he reappears quickly clothed in a new shirt that sets off his eyes, and carrying a small box wrapped in silver paper. Suddenly, he seems nervous. "I do actually have something you can do for me tonight, a favor of sorts." He motions for her to sit back on the end of the bed, kneeling in front of her again but just on one knee, box in hand.

"Uh, Castle?" Without even glancing up, he replies.

"Relax, Kate, this isn't what it looks like." Mentally, she heaves a sigh of relief; at least she hopes it was mentally! Rick clears his throat with false pretentiousness and begins speaking again, eliciting a small laugh from Kate before his seriousness claims the moment once more. "Kate, you once told me that you wear your mother's ring and your father's watch to represent the life you lost and the life you save. The only thing I will ask of you until you are ready is to consider adding one more item to your daily wear." He chooses this moment to open the box. Inside lies a simple silver bracelet with a single charm. She lifts the piece from its resting place and dangles the charm before her eyes, smiling as she recognizes it to be a tiny castle.

"And what life is this supposed to represent?" She giggles…yes, giggles. He hasn't heard that sound in…ever, really, but he likes it just the same. He takes both her hands in his and looks deep into her eyes.

"The life I want us to have…together." Her breath catches in her throat and Rick watches the emotion leave her face as she looks back down at the gift. "You don't have to wear it yet or ever if you don't want to." He is rambling now, unaware of how to deal with her lack of response. The silence ticks on before he finally stands. "You need some time. I'll be downstairs if you…" Rick can't find the right word to finish that sentence so he just lets it trail as he slowly makes his exit. Kate doesn't move. The emotions overpower her, threaten to drown her but this time, it's not a bad thing. This rabbit hole is different. She finally manages to brush her fingers over the small charm as his words reach the deepest corners of her mind. _A life together…_ All her secret dreams flash over her eyes as she squeezes them shut tightly. Suddenly, she needs him, to be in his arms, to share this emotion bursting from her. Swiftly, her feet carry her down the hall, the stairs, across the dining room towards him, her Castle. He stands in the living room talking quietly with some of their (for lack of a better word) family and double takes as he sees his Kate flying toward him with raw emotion radiating from her. Before he can comprehend what is happening, they are locked in a passionate embrace and the world around them melts away. Jaws drop at the very public display of a relationship the world had only guessed at until now. Slowly, Castle returns her feet to the ground and they pull apart. Kate smiles at the utter surprise still written on his face but she can't find any words. Surprise vanishes as he scans her face and finally recognizes the emotion he has been hoping for shining back at him: love.

_This is going to be a great year_!

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